Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Stormtrooper post #1

I don't know why we have to do this. No one oversees the posts, no one really cares about this division, no one really reads the blogs once we take them over, and it's just more work for us.


I'm so bored.

What time is it when an AT-AT steps on your wrist chronometer?
Time to get a new wrist chronometer.

Why should you never tell jokes on the Millennium Falcon?
The ship might crack up.

Why is a droid mechanic never lonely?
Because he's always making new friends.

You guys know any jokes?

I hit my head on a doorway this morning and it still hurts. Blast these helmets and lack of peripheral vision.

Hey look, I took a selfie:

These filters are awesome.

This job may be boring but at least there's good coffee in the break room. Out of cookies though. You all like to joke about "Dark Side" cookies, but the Empire does provide some really tasty treats.

Uh, what was that noise? Something just fell behind me.

Eh, it's probably just a drill.

Imperial regulations state that this post must be at least 200 words long so I'm just going to write a little longer so I can reach the word count that this post must be as dictated by Imperial regulations that I must follow so I can keep my job. You know, in addition to keeping the galaxy in order.

Okay reached 200+ words! Goodbye to all the people that probably aren't reading this anyway.



This blog has been confiscated by the Galactic Empire for failing to abide by multiple Imperial cyber laws. 

Imperial Edict OB-1KN3 - propaganda statements regarding the Jedi Order, a cult which attempted to overthrow the government and destroy peace by gaining full power.
Instances of this offense:
"one thing I love [...] is the Jedi Order"
"I've been fascinated by their culture and teachings, and most of my favorite characters are Jedi.  I love reading about them, lightsaber techniques, and the Jedi Way."
"I kind of like the Jedi."

Imperial Edict EP-2C4U - impersonation of an Imperial official.
Instances of this offense:
"Palpatine: Did you say Order 66?  *evil cackle*" 

Imperial Edict RA-1GD0 - propaganda statements regarding rebellion against the Galactic Empire.
Instances of this offense:
"Also in the Rebel Legion area. It's so cool..."
"Luke is so great"

Imperial Edict TS-7VI2 - defamation of high ranking Imperial officers.
Instances of this offense:
"So I'm definitely not crazy about [Panaka]"
"[Tarkin's] the guy I love to hate."
"Vader appears regretful of his past choices"
"Darth Vader's ship gets knocked away by Han"
"Palpatine is lying - he's been lying for a long time."
"[Palpatine's] not trying to make the galaxy a better place"
"Palpatine's charade of righteousness"
"I thought Vader had some vacuum cleaner in his helmet" 

His Excellency Emperor Palpatine gave these remarks regarding the New Imperial Cyber Protection Act:
The cyber world is one of our greatest sources of information, but so often this information is inaccurate, misleading, or outright lies. Our young people are significantly affected by this, and we owe it to future generations to give them an educational resource that is up-to-date, accurate, and beneficial to their lives as faithful citizens of the First Galactic Empire. Let us give them the tools they need to develop their world view in a safe environment, free from bias and falsehood.

Because the author of "In Western Lands" failed to uphold these principles, this blog will now be under control of the Galactic Empire. TK482 has been assigned to the maintenance of this blog and posting of Imperial-approved content so that the damage the previous owner caused may be reversed and readers may continue to be entertained.


UPDATE: I've got my blog back! Apparently there are some good galactic lawyers out there. Here's a screen shot of the blog for the memories: