SOPA, PIPA, and Pirates of the Caribbean

The proposition of some members of the United States Congress to combat internet piracy by censoring certain websites has caused an uproar among many frequent users of the internet, but some argue that these measures will help prevent theft and the sale of illegal goods.  In order to avoid any political confrontations, In Western Lands (hereafter known as In Western Lands, Western Lands, IWL, and The Page with Words on It) has decided to publicly and temporarily claim neutrality, and declares that any statements made by employees of In Western Lands (including, but not limited to, Arda) do not in any way reflect the thoughts or opinions of In Western Lands.  Although such a stand has been taken, The Page With Words on It still wishes to present you with a balanced and politically correct report featuring the opinions of individuals on all sides of the debate.

Sparrow opposes the anti-piracy bill.

PORT ROYAL - In Western Lands stopped to chat with Commodore James Norrington and Lord Cutler Beckett.  Both have spent a considerable amount of time trying to rid the seas of pirates, and they agree that similar action must be taken on the internet.

"Vile and dissolute creatures, the lot of them," said Norrington, speaking of those who upload copyrighted material onto the internet.  "I intend to see to it that any man who breaks the law in such a fashion gets what he deserves."

Lord Beckett agrees, and he believes that although there will be opposition, the bill still has a good chance of passing.  "The pirates know they face extinction.  All that remains is where they make their final stand."

Predictably, those who would be in danger of being shut down are strongly against the bill.  We asked a worried Joshamee Gibbs his thoughts on what SOPA would mean for him.

"It's bad," he said.  "Bad for every mother's son who calls himself a pirate."

With Gibbs was his associate, Captain Jack Sparrow.  Captain Sparrow is also against SOPA, saying that it would take away from the freedom of the those who use the internet.

"It's not just URLs, and flash, and HTML, that's what a website needs, but what a website is, what the internet really is, is freedom."

While Captain Sparrow would prefer that the bill does not pass, he says that it wouldn't be a completely negative outcome for him.  He is already developing software to keep from being censored, and once all the other offending sites are shut down, he will be able to gain everyone's buisness.

"I rather like that idea," Sparrow said.  "Captain Jack Sparrow: The Last Internet Pirate."

Unfortunately, our interview of Captain Sparrow was cut short by the sudden entrance of Commodore Norrington who attempted to arrest the captain.  The two ran from the room before any more questions could be asked.

Not all have such strong opinions.  Captain Hector Barbossa stated that he would not give an opinion until after Congress votes on the anti-piracy bill, an action that was recently postponed.  When asked why he would wait, Barbossa only said, "Where's the harm in joining the winning side?"

Mr. Cotton is another man undecided as to his position, or so we inferred.  His parrot spoke for him, telling us, "Shiver me timbers!"  Gibbs told IWL that it means, "I like grilled cheese."  We are not convinced, but finally concluded that such a statement shows a lack of opinion on the matter.

Nevertheless, many do have strong opinions on SOPA and IWL encourages its readers to be cordial to those who may have opinions different from their own, unlike Sparrow and Norrington, who ran through the room even as Cotton's parrot was speaking.  While Norrington was chasing Sparrow with his sword drawn, Sparrow was calling behind him, "This is the day you will always remember as the day that you almost caught, Captain Jack Sparrow!"

Article on FoxNews.com used as a reference.  The thoughts and opinions expressed do not necessary reflect the opinions of In Western Lands or its employees.  Pirates of the Caribbean is owned by Disney and IWL lays no claim to the characters and quotes taken from the films.  This article is a work of fiction and any resemblance to people, places, or parrots, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.  Please don't sue us.