Thursday, September 19, 2013

Scurvy Sherlock and the Piratey Scandal in Belgravia

Avast! It be that time o' year again, methinks! Aye, it be International Talk Like a Pirate Day! Don't forget to use yer "savvys" and yer "yo ho ho's" today! Thinkin' o' last year, we be doin' another script 'ere to celebrate! This time we 'ave from BBC's Sherlock, Buckingham Palace: Pirate Edition!

(Long Jawn Silver enters to see Scurvy Sherlock sitting wearing only a sail wrapped around his body. He shrugs and sits down beside him.)

Long Jawn Silver: Ye be wearing knickers?

Scurvy Sherlock: Nay.

(They are silent, then start giggling.)

Long Jawn Silver: At Buccaneer Palace, fine. Arrr, I be fightin' an urge to commandeer an ashtray. What be we a'doin' here, Scurvy Sherlock? Mayhaps 'ere to see a bonny lass?

(First Mate Mycroft enters.)

Scurvy Sherlock: Aye, that be true!

First Mate Mycroft: Just once, can't ye scallywags act piratey?

Long Jawn Silver: Arr, we sails the high seas, I keep me log, 'e forgets his knickers. I wouldn't have a prayer, laddie.

Scurvy Sherlock: I be in the middle of pillage, First Mate Mycroft!

First Mate Mycroft: There be little booty, ye must've known.

Scurvy Sherlock: Aye, crystal clear.

First Mate Mycroft: Then ye need a new pillage.

(Picks up clothes from table.)

First Mate Mycroft: We be in Buccaneer Palace, the heart of the Brethren Court. Scurvy Sherlock, put yer breeches on!

Scurvy Sherlock: Belay that.

First Mate Mycroft: But yer client?

Scurvy Sherlock: Who be that?

Quartermaster (entering): I 'ave to tell, ye, 'e be anonymous.

First Mate Mycroft: Arrg, I apologize fer me wee brother.

Quartermaster: A right bilge rat, I assume. And ye must be Long Jawn Silver, former captain o' the HMS Shire.

Long Jawn Silver: Ahoy, aye.

Quartermaster: And Scurvy Sherlock. Ye look taller on yer wanted posters.

Scurvy Sherlock: Aye, by keepin' me good hat and me short matey. (He glances at Long Jawn Silver and turns back to First Mate Mycroft.) Yarr Mycroft, I need to know me clients. No landlubber be hiring me. Gangway!

(Scurvy Sherlock walks away but Fist Mate Mycroft steps on his sail, keeping him from leaving.)

First Mate Mycroft: This be vital to the Brethren Court! Grow up!

Scurvy Sherlock: Get off me sail!

First Mate Mycroft: Or what?

Scurvy Sherlock: I sail without it.

First Mate Mycroft: I'll let ye.

Long Jawn Silver: Arr mateys, there be a time and a place.

Scurvy Sherlock: Who is me client?

First Mate Mycroft: Use yer head, figure it out. Now blimey! Put yer clothes on!

The Sherlock screens be from here and Scurvy Sherlock's hat from here. Thanks for reading mateys, and fair winds to you lot!

First Mate Mycroft via twitter


  1. LOL, that was great!! :D XD Happy Speak-Like a Pirate day :D

  2. Shena and Nessima, arr, thank ye, me hearties! And a happy day to ye as well, lassie!


    1. Aye, he look mighty fine, don't 'e? Thank ye very much. :D

  4. Nice! Haha. I'm officailly in the Sherlock fandom now. For the record. "Long Jawn Silver" is hilarious!

  5. Thanks girls! Laura, welcome to the fandom! Enjoy the insanity and especially the awesome!

  6. GAH. Arda! I finally read this and I should have done so much much much much sooner. This is epic. Thank you so much for posting it!

  7. Staples!! Thank you, and thanks for all the comments!